{April 15, 2013}   Death after Death can totally Drain you

I’m going through so much pain right know that its taking me down, I’m just in tears right know. I no you all think what’s new another sob story from another person online. But my grandmother just passed away with how much there is that got her to this point I cannot say its just in my heart, but what my heart knows is that. She should be here alive and not gone. She had a hard life like all of us have had. But she should of seen more days and, know that I loved her so much. I could remember all the times we had good together, shopping we use to do, amusement  parks we went to together, Going to Arizona and spending so much time with you talking you sharing tons of my childhood with me. If I could repeat my life I would of gone no matter who was in my way and said goodbye and hold her hand one last time. Well before she passed she Broke her Arm in a Nursing Home and went down hill from there. I didn’t find out she had cancer also till it was already the end so that played a role in it also. =( TEARS POURING). She ended up getting a Pneumonia and having a Mild Heart Attack also Just like my Grandfather did that passed away this time in 2001. So having to deal with both of them around this time every year after this is going to take the biggest toll of my heart. My grandfather had passed from The Doctors saying my he was having a Pneumonia when he was so sick one day which he didn’t have and he actually had a Mild Heart Attack in his sleep and didn’t know until the end when it was too late to fix it. His last Holiday was Easter. And my grandma passing near this same time knowing I don’t have any more grandparents around anymore Hurts so bad. And my Husband lost his Grandfather also a long time ago, which I never got the chance myself to meet. All I can do is Thank him from here for leading me the way to his grandson.Too know my Daughter will never meet them  and see her face brighten up when they could be making her smile hurts also. She would of loved them, everyone one of them. I am thankful for my husband being by my side and trying to have a huge family with me, I know we will make them proud of us and like my husband told me. They are looking down on us smiling and making sure we are okay.

With that being said. Grandma I truly loved you with everything inside of my heart, and I hope I can meet up one day with you again and see your beautiful face and Smile again. And knowing your Happy where you are knowing than living in pain where you were. I will hold on to your ashes forever till my passing day and you will be spread on with me till we meet again. I will love you no matter if your gone or not cause you will never be gone out of my heart. And Grandpa since your passing I’ve held you in my heart and soul and never have ever got rid of the memories we had together I have your pictures I look at everyday and your bible right by my bedside. I hope God is keeping you safe up above and hear every time I talk to you late at night. I will never forget about you. And to Gonzalo I know I would of loved you as much as I do my own grandparents You have the most wonderful grandson every and I will make sure him and our daughter we had to together is well taken care of. And I will make you proud of having me a part of the Cruzpagan Family. I will stay by Carlos’s side through thick and thin and make sure our marriage grows into as Happy as anyone else’s one should be in this world. Well I need to close my eyes before my emotions take the best of me. Thank you all for taking time to read….Love always Christina



Carlos says:

My love,
I wish nothing more than to try and have a happy life together and keeping our loved ones in our hearts in everything we do. I love you more than you know. I will always be here. Muahz!
~ Your loveing husband, Carlos

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